November 9, 2009

Almost a Year...

In less than a week, my little Harrison will turn 1 years old. I'm feeling so many emotions about it. Since I found out I was pregnant, I've been on such an incredible journey...

First, they told me that my baby might have Down Syndrome. I did what anybody could do in that situation, I prayed and dug down deep for acceptance of God's plan for J. and myself. An ultrasound revealed a perfectly healthy baby, but they still only gave me a 1 in 50 odds {originally it was 1 in 19}. I trusted my intuition that this was a healthy baby and let my fear go the remainder of my pregnancy.

Then I got gestational diabetes and had to completely change my eating. The last two months of my pregnancy were a struggle because my diet was so restricted and had to track my blood sugar constantly. It ended up being a blessing in disguise....I learned so much in that time.

During my labor, his heart rate started dropping and they were getting a little concerned. They wanted me to deliver ASAP to alleviate any complications. I ended up pushing for a hour and half {I've never been that exhausted in my entire life}. When he finally arrived and they placed him on my stomach, he was blue and not crying. I was nervous. He never cried. I was terrified. We never did hear that first cry that people refer to as a "relief" that everything is OK. Luckily he came to in his own little way and we had a healthy baby.

I had terrible postpartum and really didn't enjoy the first 2 weeks of his life. I always feel sad about that, but am so grateful that I got help when I did. My husband was a saint during those dark days...never judging, helping immensely and loving me unconditionally. I struggled personally with not being able to breastfeed on the medication, and worried about how it would affect him physically. If I only knew then what I know now....that it doesn't really matter.

I now have this amazing little boy who captures the heart of everyone he meets. He not only didn't have Down Syndrome, but God graced him with winning the genetic lottery {I can say this because I had nothing to do with it}. He is a child of God and I was just chosen to care for him. I feel so lucky and honored to be his mom. He has illuminated parts of me where I didn't even know light could go.

It's a challenge and a miracle all wrapped up in one sweet smelling, soft haired, rosy cheeked, physically active, giggling package.

I am Blessed.