I never knew Love like this existed until now....
He just started saying "mama".
My attitude has been a little sour lately, so here's a list to remember what I'm grateful for...
I've been challenged lately. Last week Harrison decided to wake up several times a night and stay awake for long stretches. I would rock him, give him a bottle, give him Tylenol thinking that he was teething...but finally I would just give up and bring him into bed with me. By Friday I was a mess. I was exhausted and beyond frustrated. I would cry at the drop of a hat...thinking that this was going to be my life from here on out.
Luckily I have some phenomenal friends and resources who helped me pick myself up and figure out a plan. Friday night J. and I plotted out our ideas and set out to make a change. Harrison woke up like clockwork at 1:30 am. We did the unthinkable and let him cry for 1/2 hour. It was torture and I got a terrible stomach ache listening to my baby in despair. Finally J. went in and soothed him without picking him up. It took another 1/2 but he finally went to sleep. Since then he is learning that we aren't going to come running when he cries so he gives up much easier and puts himself back to sleep. Last night was magical with him sleeping from 7:30 pm to 7:30 am.
This is one of my least favorite parts of motherhood. It's so counter intuitive to hear your baby crying, albeit screaming, and not run to save them. For a long time, I refused to let him cry. It felt so wrong and went against who I am as a mother. My job is to save, nurture and protect him.
The realization that my current method wasn't working came to a head last week. I was feeling resentful, aggravated and irritable with him all week....and that's not the kind of mother I want to be either. I still get a pit in my stomach when I hear him cry over the monitor, but I'm learning to trust that it's best for him to soothe himself and allow me to rest peacefully, too.
Here's to a new routine and a happier baby....
So far, this has been a tough summer. No one ever warned me about being couped up, when it's 112 degrees outside, with a 8 month old ACTIVE baby. Some days I feel like I'm going crazy! I wish we could be outside for a walk or even running errands without feeling like I'm going to die. I keep telling myself that this will pass and he'll get easier and the weather will get nicer.
Luckily I have good friends who let me come over to their houses while their kids entertain Harrison.
Little H. is officially crawling like a big boy and is all over the house. This weekend, we started baby proofing. We kept looking at each other like "do we really have to put this in our house?" but realized it was necessary when Harrison fell into the corner of the coffee table and got a marble sized bump on his forehead. I keep telling J. that it's important and that it won't be there forever. It's weird to see your house change.
Harrison is so proud of his crawling and makes it look like no big deal. I kind of hope my next baby takes their time in this department...it's exhausting.