February 23, 2009

Life as a Mom.

When I came home from the hospital, I wasn't doing very well {physically or emotionally}. I was in pain and scared out of my mind. I knew that I needed time to figure this whole thing out without neighbors dropping by every 15 minutes, so I put a sign up that said "please don't ring bell or knock"...basically giving you no option. It worked and people started backing off and giving me the time necessary to become a mother.

It's taken 3 1/2 months of getting up in the night for feedings, comforting during the day, knowing what certain sounds mean and having him smile when I walk into the room to really feel like a mom. It was a process of falling for me and didn't just happen instantly {like I thought it would}. I doubted if this was even the right calling for me in the beginning.

I now love so much and so deep, I can't imagine anything better. Having Harrison not only brought a child to this earth, but birthed a mother in me as well. I feel different, happier, more confident and absolutely positive that this is my calling. There is a peace within my soul that has never been with me before.

Right now he lies peacefully in his crib while listening to lullabies, and I weep with joy when I go in to check on him. It is a true miracle to see what little person God had planned for you and what you'll learn along the way.

I secretly can't wait until he wakes up around 3 am, and I lazily get to bring him into bed with us for the night.